Why don't I take you through a little bit of my primary experience
Back in the day, like a little bit more than ten years ago at a place called section six in Kitale, there was a school by the name St.Mary's Immaculate. If you have noticed I tend to whisper the name Immaculate every time I talk about the school, coz in my opinion the school would have sounded so much better had it just been St Mary's.you know. then saints would have been our brother school.
So you can only imagine the shock i must have experienced when I got in to the school, and I am not being ati dramatic over here, such a different culture from where I had been. So of course the first question is to ask yourself how did I get here and its the kind of feeling you see your mum drive away and you want to jump on her and say mummy dearest you aint going nowhere without me
But guess what though we complained we did not die
we survived through even the dramatic nuns. I tell you it was adventures.
We did play hide and seek with our nuns because they were always chasing after us for some reason. We went through different nuns and for some reason they all had dramatic tendencies. Am sure you will all remember when a nun came to the girls dorm and all the girls were made to kneel down on stones when it was drizzling. And what time was this? just the midnight before we did our KCPE, GHC paper which was meant to be the last paper. It was cute when the guys wanted to come rescue us from the hands of the nun, but they were threatened that they would be the ones to take our positions and they went back to sleep.
Now the nus were not dramatic enough,we had the matrons who saw the need of banging the metallic gate, which was the entrance to the dorms as a means to wake us up. That was of course after the bell had rung.Ten minutes after the banging of the gate mercilesly, she would enter and hit or pinch ayone who is sleeping and if they do not wake up, she would remove blankets from them and eventually throw them on the floor. And just incase you did not wake up after that, you would be thwarked and of course the dreaded part is to be denied bread.
Now in a boarding school where bread is given thrice a week, which is less than half 3 days out of seven, you did not want to miss bread at all, not even on one day. I must admit bread might not have been that important to me at that time, but in real sense I did not want to miss bread.I actually got in to trouble for saying Kwani is it the bread of life, heee I was denied bread for a whole week for saying that was not the bread of life.and that was the middle of the term when I did not have backup grab.Actually most of us were done with our grab by the second week
Visiting day was priceless.people make new friends on this day
the dorms would smell of chicken, chapati and of course the dining hall would be empty for a while, the party has just begun. and when it ends people can always borrow
Yes that was a school and a half, Friday parade was the day for embarrassing people. This meant that if you had done something wrong during the week, your name would be called out for you to stand in front of the whole school and be suspened and called names.This did not go without some strokes on your behinds. Everyone went through this I think, even I did not escape public humiliation. The nun also saw the need to mention number last students at the parade, and the head girl which was me or the head boy, would be asked to give their opinion. Talk of drama queens, that was the queen of them all
Now our teachers were great, there were the some who were the smaller monsters after the nuns and the matrons. We had this teacher who would send you for a cane to chapa someone, and when that cane breaks, he sends you for another which he will use to cane you too, for bringing a cane that would break.And your like ala, si I did you a favor, why am I being stroked.
So of course with assurance of daily strokes, many pupils so the need to wear extra clothing than required, such as five pairs of shorts or even a folded leso, for the behinds.It was actually important as it would save your bum a few injuries that have potential of lasting for months.And of course you never know when the nuns will catch you at the wrong place.Sometimes involuntary actions such as sleeping during preps
For some reason, prep was like a piriton
But it was very important to fight sleep coz you never know when the nun is peeping by the window just to catch the sleepers.so we would fight it like a warrior
there was time for sleep and make sure when it is time to sleep you be asleep. Coz again it appears the nuns loved sudden visits in to the dorms to check on the night runners and the night talkers. Those of us with loud voices would always be called out first for a stroke before sleeping. There are times that I was actually not talking but I ges the nuns would predict perhaps I was just about to comment and hence i would get one for prevention I ges. They actually scared us coz they all wore spects. and they just stood at the window peeping to see anyone moving around..But either way we always found time to tell each other stories, and scare each other with stories which until now, i could never be sure if they were true.But those were the nights. Funny how we can laugh about those days now
10 years now and its still funny and now im sure some of you are wondering where there hell did you go to school, but alas i turned out well didnt I.It was crazy, adventures, dramatic, fun and etc.and that was my primary school
Tracing roots: By Esther Neema
Me bi bi was not an ordinary woman; she was a lay who went with many secrets to the grave. You could tell she was different, but many had never been able to find the mysteries about this lady, until the day she was laid to rest Having been the eldest lady in Mahunduni village, at the point of her death, a village in the north coast, she knew everyone’s story but no one knew her story. She stood tall and slender, a black beauty with pride and elegance, they say she was one of a kind. You could see from the way she walked and talked, the confidence and strength. Truly, you would have though she was a princess from Nubia.
me bi bi
If you asked her where he was from, she was likely not to tell you, either because the memories were so vague, or maybe once upon a time, it was much safer to hide ones origin than to boost of ones origin. For her the true definition of home was where she lived for seventy years of her life, the rest of the early nineteen years was kept a secret and a mystery to all, until the day she was buried.
In the midst of celebration for a life well lived, stood a tall lady, slender, confident, and a symbol of strength. Indeed an identical to Me bi bi. After stares and whispers about typical resemblance, people went ahead and find out. who was she? where was she from? And that is how the story f true origin got to be told.it became a true story redefined, Me bi bi had a sister?
History begins to unfold as the lady speaks of the unspoken stories. It turned out that the two had been born of freed slaves whose initial origin was in Nyasa, all the way from Malawi. After being freed they were settled in Tanzania where they had to start all over again.
Both their parents passed on leaving the girls alone. They were adopted by a Muslim Zaramo family in Tanzania for not so long before there emerged a conflict, and the girls fled to Kenya to a missionary home where they found peace and safety at last.
Though they had come a long journey, a time had come and they had to part ways. They got married far from each other and that meant that their journey together had come to an end. Many years down the road the sisters meet when one of their journeys is truly over and one could tell from the sisters face that she missed those days that just they two shared, the days of their childhood, the adventure and the many memories
Me bi bi's life story had been told and understood, who could have known that such a smiley face and jovial lady had not been a princess, but actually the daughter of a former slave. Me bi bi is just one of those many inhabitants at the coast province who have come to call it home. Many who do not know where home really is, and if they had to search they would not know where to begin, and s they call this one place that they know home, that they even get burried in that land. It is a call to all Kenyans to appreciate diversity, because at the end of the day, home is where your hear finds solace
These Annoying people By Joyce Kayima
There are some annoying habits we all love to hold on to. I guess we're all guilty in a way, myself included but AI!!!some people can be soooo annoying. Just to mention a few and maybe add a few later:
1) Thinking they are sooo fine. There are these people who think that all the time, somebody is out to get them. Not in a bad way, but in a sexual way. The bitch friend who insists to you that she is sure your boyfriend wants her or the dude who insists that the chic who refused him is the one who wanted him in the beginning. Really?!!!i look at such people and i'm like, 'HONESTLY!GET OVER YOURSELF!'
2) Making negative statements all the time. A typical conversation can be like this:
Person 1: oh! i just saw nani on the way here
Person 2: that dude (who btw is person 2's pal), he just has issues of his own.he's like blah blah...and the bitching continues.Really honestly, what kind of a person are you to bitch on a person who is a close friend of yours. Yes, i bitch on my 'friends'. The distant ones or the ones i pretend to be pals with. Not my close friends.nkt...But that brings me to my third point.
3) Pretending. I'm guilty of this no matter how bad I am at it. I may not pretend to looove you but I'll just sit there and suffer through your company just because maybe I'm forced to do something with you or my pals somehow want to hang out with you. Well, it's still an annoying habit that needs to stop. I'll stop too. And when that happens I'll have less 'friends' but let's just be honest with one another.
4) Putting others down. Now I get that some people have superiority complex or they have to cover up their inferiority complex. Ok, i just said a lie right there. I don't get it. People make comments like,"you're so stupid", "I understand why you'd do that coz you're just blond (lol...Es I'm sorry)", "you can't do anything right? kwani i have to keep following after you?", "don't let him do it. he can't handle"...etc...now honestly, i don't think i have to explain further. I make a point of cutting such people out of my life seeing as I'm emotional and take things very very personally. If we used to hang out and I suddenly stopped, that's probably the reason why. That and my next point...
5) Lying. People seriously! I know there's soooo much pressure in this world! so so much! Your friend has a hot car, your pals dad is a minister, i don't know who's boyfriend has a beach house where they go every holiday...but that's no reason to lie. Especially if you have no tangible evidence. Ain't no use lying that you grew up on American soil that you've never even touched (what's with such lies anyway?). That time there are people who've watched you grow. Ati you have all this cash but you always take stuff on credit.lol...just be real.
6) Assuming they know others so so well, they could write a book about them. You see, that's one of the most annoying to me coz i've been a victim of people who supposedly know me from observation. Well, let's see...I've admitted to being a pretender at times but I'm generally an actress all the time. The world is my stage. I wake up every morning and once i get out of the house I'm not a quiet, reserved girl. I reach campus sometimes and act like an extrovert, greeting people happily&laughing, telling stories. Other days I might be too tired to act so I'll walk past almost everyone because I really only enjoy talking to people I'm comfortable with. So that goes to show that you cannot know a person through observation. You can't go spreading rumors that you know that chic's dude beats her and she's too stupid to leave when her close friends know she left long ago. You can't go saying that dude feels hot just coz you don't talk to him but he keeps saying he's sexy (Allan..hehehe). You do not know a person until they open up about themselves to you so please....stop assuming. Even though you see them and make small talk sometimes, no you don't know them. And just for the record, if you think a person is quiet, it's probably just coz they don't talk to you. Deal with it.
7) Poking their noses into others' business. This really annoys me coz I'm really private and secretive. If a person wants to tell you something, believe me, they'll tell you. You won't have to fish for the info and you won't have to go looking for it elsewhere. They'll just tell you. They're those who assume that they're such close friends to you so they ask awkward questions and say stupid things that just cross the line. They need to let go of that habit.
8) Judging. Yeah, so we don't all have the same morals and principles. And there a those who judge others just coz of what they choose to do. It's annoying to have a person look at you like you're a failure just coz you don't meet their standards or don't follow the same rules. Ok so that chic feels it's ok to drink herself silly and act like a fool. Don't judge her and say she's not a lady. There's a reason behind her behavior. There's always a reason. If you have energy to bitch you have energy to help.Another kind of judging is thinking just coz you're good at one thing, you're good at everything and everyone else is good at nothing. Everryone has their strengths and weaknesses. And even though you may concentrate on your strength, you may also have sooo many weaknesses that are someone else's strengths. You make mistakes too.
9) These fake couples. So we all know she cheats on him and he cheats on her but they both deny everything and act like they're a happy couple (even though they both know what's going on). In some situations, we just need to admit that we're in this for the sex and that's it. Coz these people go sucking others into their annoying dramas and it's sooo tiring like you won't believe. I've never experienced such drama but i know people who have been pulled into these cheap soap operas when they maybe get hit on. It's not nice and it's just childish.nkt...
10) Those people who find something to say and act like they know something you don't. I've hang out with some shifty people, dated some really out of the way ones...at least according to people who observe from outside. I don't need to hear stories and random rumors that come from nowhere. Unless you want to hear the truth about yourself, please just shut up and keep what you 'know' to yourself. It works better that way. Especially if you deal with someone who can lose it and spill their innermost thoughts about you, your behavior and where exactly you should take your opinion.
11) Emotional and verbal abusers. They are the worst thing you can come across EVER! First there are those who say things when people are not there but in public they'll be so nice and everyone loves them. Then there are those who will actually carry out their shady activities in public and when the victim reacts, they make it worse by saying they were just joking and the person should stop overreacting. There is nothing that pisses me off more than these people. I don't like them. I don't trust them. Especially the ones who insist they do the shit they do coz they 'care about you'. Woi! I could go on and on about this the whole night. You're supposed to run from such people but the problem is, they usually follow, they act like they've 'changed', they make their victims look crazy and they make people suicidal. I swear they do! You'd rather even have someone beat you up coz at least the scars are there to prove it. I HATE SUCH PEOPLE!!! They have like all the points in this note. All is would say to such a person is that the Lord reveals! Gosh! (yes, I'm as bitter as i sound).
12) Stupid mindless followers. Have you ever come across these people who hate a person just coz other people hate her/him, never try to listen to all sides of the story, have to do every single thing everyone is doing...i think you get the picture. I don't want to type more coz such manners is not worth too many words.
So this note is not yet over. I'll probably keep writing things that piss me off coz like i said, this stupidity for pretending, it needs to stop. And I'm going to change too.
The Special 14 By Esther Neema
They say that when you meet the one, then you will know
bt iv met so many special people, that you wonder hmmm, who is the above,
is it Tom, dick or Harry.n they also say that you meet people for a reason right
and so there was a reason
well in the step along the way iv met, special people, special kinds.
well i call them special because they implanted a memory
and am sure am not alone, many will say, yes i have met this man
1.This is the guy who has been your friend like forever, the guy who has seen you at your worst
that includes you bad fashion days, your bad hair days, your irritatated days, maybe you teary moments
maybe your alone days. He has probably seen you through each of your break ups and has probably told you
you need to stop and take a chill pilll, the guy, your best friend, your Bff, until he gets a girlfriend.and yu wonder how come you never dated, coz you get along so well, people say he'l be the best boyfriend coz he knows you so well, but
truth is you cant imagine what it would be like being a couple,its a very strange idea
2.This is the guy you liked the first day you met and you clicked so well because he was funny. and everytime you talk
you laugh like crazy, you play games like children, he awakens the child in you and you have no idea why you cant connect at a higher level, maybe coz you are always joking, but you could actually spend a whole day or night and not get bored, because you get along so well, but when you get in to serious business like moving towards a relationship, the atmosphere gets super awkward, you even kill the idea. you go back to making jokes.
3.This is the guy who spends a whole lot of time chasing after you to win your heart, even three years, and makes you feel like a queen.After all that time you give in and hope it will be the best it could ever be but again you learn, you were best as friends, you are so different, you'd make the worst couple in the universe coz you like the idea of being together, but you do not connect at any level whatsoever.you can not even have a conversation when you are left just the two of you.
4.you meet this guy and you have like the best conversation, it flows more than anything you can imagine.you laugh and have a good time together, even when you think about it, you smile deeply coz you know we connected.even at some point in the conversation you had that small smile yo exchanged that shows there was a special bond, and yet you after leaving, you dont exchange numbers, and i guess thats it, it was just a good conversation. but wow you leave very impressed that someone gets you and you get him, at a special level.actually he is your type in all aspects.but you may not even see him again or maybe you will see him sometimes, but may not get time to bond the same way
5.he is the above guy, only you had these very deep conversations when he was drunk, he will not remember half the things he said, the next day he goes back to being his shy self. he will not remember kneeling down and proposing to you in public or reciting you a poem or picking boganvilia flowers for you coz he thought they are roses and etc.but you will remember and will always laugh about it coz it was so sweet, and it was a moment right there
6. there is the one who will take your breath away, you will spot him from across the room, and when he says hi, you will embarrass yourself not coz you dont know what to say, but you forgot all words coz there is something about his eyes, his smile or just something, he is so damn attractive, you wont know what happened to your words. You could even forget your name.you are likely never going to date him coz you never get used to having any normal conversation unless you are embarrassing yourself laughing at his not so funny jokes, and after seeing him, you wonder how could i embarrass myself that much, i am an adult.
7.He is the other attractive guy, but you could actually talk to.though you have this love hate relationship, coz the first time you met you dint hit it off so well, actually not at all.at times you have those moments where you lock eyes, and you know if you had time you would actually be a cute couple, but since the first time, there is the random negative energy, you will never hit it off, so you will secretly admire each other, and publicly hate each other. you kinda wana reach out to him, but you wont, your too proud
8. this is the one you will connect with at some special level, and will have a close to moment, where it is an almost.He will seem like the perfect, and then again that very strong emotion dies and you dont know where it goes to. Sometimes its in the things they said, did, or a discovery that maybe you cant see a future with this guy, or maybe disruption from someone else, something random happens and eliminates the option of something happening or a possibility. and usually they will hate you for discontinuing the close to moment
9. this one is a magnet, he pulls you to him more than you could ever imagine.As in you could run when he calls, because wa, he gets you.You find yourself wanting to be around him initially, and he is totally inviting, but he is naughty, its his game that draws you.and you know for sure he is a good flirt, but y'all know you like his game but it scares you, your not sure wats gona happen wen the game is over, so you dont even try.and some are just perverted psychos who just want to sleep with you and thats it.
10. the one who gets you seriously whipped, the one who you probably dont think that much coz he gets you, you connect, you laugh, you are attracted to each other, you got mad chemistry you got it all. he makes you so happy and make you so mad. you are like heaven and hell at the same time.after all the joys you are like a volcano erupting because given two minutes you could strangle each other because you definatly bring out the worst in each other, and yet you are so perfect together in a weird way you wonder how that is even possible
11. is the one who would do anything for you. He could even pay to have a day with you, but you dont connect at all, you talk yes, you laugh yes but maybe five minutes is the most you can do.and though he likes you like so much, nothing can ever happen because you can never get to that level.Or maybe you will love him, but not enough, but he will still be good to you, in spite all that ever happened, he will still care about you.
12. then there are your boys, theses will be your boys forever, nothing in heaven or earth could ever happen.come rain come sunshine that border can never be crossed, its almost illegal, no chemistry not even if worked on, nothing. They wont even try it, but they make you happy, they make you smile, they make you know you have friends, and for sure they will be there every step of you way, they are you boys
13. lastly, there is the guy you will like and wont like you back, and youl spend your time obsessing over him and yet its a waste of time. He probably daent know you, i would hardly put myself in this postion.
15. How could i forget this one, the one who tells you he has always liked you when it is too late, and you are in a relationship, then you'll say something like i felt the same way too then.Lol, then you end up being very good freinds
14. I guess this is the one you will probably choose to spend to spend the rest of you life with, the one who gets you and you get him, the one who make you smile and you do the same to him, the one who lets you find him and finds you, and you bring the best in each other, maybe the one you would gladly grow old together with, and the one who chooses you and you choose him.so i guess at the end of the day, it will be obvious rite
I refuse by Santa Mukabana
In life we settle for what comes our way. Marriage partners, jobs, circumstances, debt; never fighting for what we truly believe in and deserve. What makes it worse is that everyone is living a mediocre life and they tell us that that is normal yet that it is their own reality. Who said that that is reality? Who sat down and said that your job will suck, your partner will cheat and you will die leaving your children with millions in debt. You know what... I refuse...
I refuse to settle and be mediocre. I refuse to settle for less and accept this pitiful existence that others call life. I refuse to be BLACK, POOR AND PITIFUL and you know what I'm making a list... An I Refuse List to let me know what I will not accept.
SANTA MUKABANAH'S I REFUSE LIST
1. I won't settle for any man that comes along and asks to marry me. I am looking for companionship, love and a partner who works towards a future with me and not the process of getting married
2. I won't settle for an average work output. My brain is way too complex and ingenious for me not to strain it to the maximum
3. I won't settle for being poor. I am a creature of God and He says ask and you shall be given. Why should I be poor when He feeds the birds and the beasts?
4. I won't settle for lying, thieving political leaders. I will fight tooth and nail to extol transparency, justice, truth, peace and accountability
5. I won't wait for the opportunities. God offers ideas and opportunities every day. I will take all those ideas and bring them to fruition
6. I won't associate myself with stereotypes and insinuations. Judgment is an obstacle to success. God made all of us equal but different putting beauty in this world and I will respect that beauty till the day I die.
7. I won't horde the whole for myself for fear of lack or because I am selfish. We live in an abundant world that offers more than enough for all and it's my pleasure to share with you
8. I won't embrace pessimism and doubt. No matter how dark it looks and how bad things get, the glass is always half full of hope, happiness and joy
9. I won't wait to be noticed for my work as an African and a woman. I will set the trend and make the changes needed. I will be the change
10. I won't pass my 'I wonts' to my children. A new generation with an open mind and an open heart will make a little heaven on earth for those who are hurt and aggrieved as we wait for the end to come
If you refuse mediocrity I suggest you put it down in writing to make yourself accountable and to make your desires known to yourself. End each I won't with something positive so as to give yourself a goal to work to. Afterwards tag others so that they can see the mediocrity that surrounds them and the steps you are taking to enlighten yourself
The miseducation of a Queen By Santa Mukabana
When I was a child, I never really grew up thinking about getting married and having children. I dreamt of a house and kids, but there never really was a man in that picture. Strangely enough I didn’t think that there was anything weird about it. I went through the normal ‘Show me ours and I’ll show you mine’ phase but I never really found myself playing the ‘chamama’ (let’s play house) games. I was quite content watching Transformers and Gargoyles (and on some occasions V if my mum forgot to tell us to go to bed). I just wasn’t really interested in boys or what they had to offer.
However when I was about nine, all this changed. I developed a crush on our neighbor’s son. I really don’t know why I liked him. All I remember is that he was tall, really tall, and when I noticed these strange butterfly feelings he disappeared just as fast as I had noticed him. At the time I thought it was me not aware that my fourteen/fifteen year old crush had just joined Form 1 and was thus in boarding school. Out of the blue, I suddenly noticed all the boys/men around me.
If you come from an African background you’ll understand that with African parents, relationships and the concept of love are things not spoken of till the day of your wedding when all your relatives try to ‘discreetly’ tell you what to do or not do so that the teenagers do not understand. Faced with no one to turn to, I decided to turn to the guru in my life, TV, to help explain who these creatures were and what I was meant to do with them.
I grew up in the Walt Disney era with monsters and fairies and princes and magic and glass slippers and talking tea pots. According to Walt, all young girls are princesses and just like Ariel in The Little Mermaid, you are destined to meet a prince who will save you from your obvious state of distress. That you would never be fully complete until your destined prince saves you from that ooh so perilous state of something… Funny thing is that that state of something was never really fully explained. All you needed to know was that you inherently had something wrong with you and that the only person who could fix you was a man.
As I got older, I slowly got sucked into the smooth R&B era of the 90s, you know, when music was music and men sung about sweeping women off their feet and women couldn’t wait to get swept off. I was an ardent Channel O fun over the school holidays and from around 11 o’clock they’d play great classics from heartthrobs like Jagged Edge and Babyface telling you how their hearts can’t beat again until you two get married while Toni Braxton would understand your feelings and tell him, on your behalf, to unbreak your heart so that he’ll always be your baby the way Mariah Carey was suggesting… I loved those times.
It was at this time that I fell in love for the first time. It wasn’t that hot and heavy crap we do these days. It was that cute sweet sixteen crush when buying bubble gum was considered going steady and one’s greatest show of affection was holding hands in public. When kissing never crossed your mind and you couldn’t understand how it was scientifically possible for butterflies to fly in your stomach by simply receiving his phone call. When someone actually made me a promise and kept it and his care over my grandmother’s death was actually genuine concern and not him simply trying to get into my pants. I was one of the lucky few who had a beautiful first love… but turning sixteen, changed all that.
The hounds circled as the sex era came. The only way a girl could truly prove her love for her boyfriend was by sleeping with him. This was the new measurement for going steady.
I missed the simple days when I didn’t have to dress up for ‘funkies’ (high school outings) so as to get a boy to write me a letter at the end of that week telling me how he hadn’t eaten or slept since he last saw me. I dreaded mail day when all my roommates would exchange their two or three letters each and discuss the obvious sweet nothings and unattainable promises made to them by boys trying to figure out what being a man was. Clearly I was the butt of various jokes of how I wasn’t with it and how I really wasn’t that hot and blahhh and e.t.c but even then, though I didn’t know it, I sensed the elements of miseducation.
If you aren’t receiving a letter, you aren’t really attractive
If you don’t have a boyfriend, you’ll never get married
You have to sleep with him to show him that you really love him
Be aggressive and fight for him literally
This sense of desperation for conformity and acceptance lead to desperately seeking females being sucked into the infamously Desperately Seeking College And Beyond Years; when girls think love is bought with sex and that if you clean your boyfriend’s house enough or if you host him and his ‘boyz’ consistently, you will earn a ticket to MarriageVille With Children and A Picket Fence.
Scarcity… a man made illusion used to keep women in bondage.
Mothers all over the world have been in cahoots with men miseducating young girls by pushing the idea that every girl’s dream is to get married. That your existence will be fulfilled when you find the one. That you need a man to be complete. WAKE UP CALL!!!! The one does not exist. There’s no knight in shining armor riding in on his gallant steed to come and save you from your state of self imposed low self esteem. He isn’t sitting there waiting to rescue you from your pitiful state of none existence and give your life importance and if you do meet such a man, run far far away. He has his own self esteem issues to deal with and two blind people cannot lead each other.
Desperately seeking simply keeps you in a state of accepting second best and third rate merchandise. In this way, a man doesn’t have to work hard to get or to keep you. Why should he when you have already brought yourself to the slaughter and laid yourself on the table. It’s like a goat walking over to your house on Christmas Eve and tethering itself outside your doorstep waiting to be slaughtered the next day. Will you or will you not slaughter it?
I refuse to be miseducated. To believe that I am merely an extension of the man whose ring I wear. Yes, I do believe in marriage but I don’t believe in finding completion in another person. That I should dedicate my life to a fictitious man and work towards making his life better. I’m dedicated to making myself better so that in the event that I do find a man worthy of my love, he will actually be in a relationship with a person instead of a parasite
DISCLAIMER
Not all men are the same. Please let's not argue about that
Enjoy
Tumetoka mbali
MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THESE..........
Sandaks that came in ALL the colors known to man, and when it got hot your feet felt like they were
in a sauna
Closing day in primo and your parents gave you Ksh. 5.00(note) and you felt hot coz the
chips (& fish), soses and cools are on you.
"Wanteds" on closing day from the school bullys and class prefects were usually the target
after three months of being on the noise maker list.
Relas from shags come to your house and take over the tv and all they wana watch is
Press Review, Nyimbo za Dini, Dunia WikiHii, Press Conference and to top it off, they put
National Service on the radio.
Games like kalongo, tapo, shake, taking jualas and wrapping them around so tight with
kambas and the result was an oddly shaped but functional mpira.
LEONARD MAMBO MBOTELA - Je Hii/huu ni Ungwana?
What about magazines like True Love (still there!!), Drum, Viva, Step, Picha Hadithi..... .
Seen(bet u never heard of it bt wasnt my favourite stuff)
Covering your primo books with brown paper or gazetis ha ha ha miss them days !! You're
forgetting.. . we had to cover the books with brown paper, plastic paper and put those
blue and white labels with our names on them. (toboa siri)
Remember holiday homework?? we used to wait mpaka the last two days of hol's before
beginning math "sums" and inshas on akina inspekta wingo of simu ya kifo..
Kumbuka days of mamboleo, that was the most boring and what about washaing the tv to
get those test signal lines, (yaani tv haijanza) ama those messages of do not adjust your
set after you've been trying to reduce brightness for kitu 1/2 an hour and kumbe KBC are
cocking up as usual.
When KTN first came out and some jamaas used to feel hot cauze their TV's showed KTN clear
bila any antennas hoisted atop their houses. Some of us had 2 antennas and a booster lakini
bado KTN wasn't showing right.
When EVERYBODY used to watch Neighbours on KTN and Weekend Movie on KBC.
Before the FM Revolution jamaas used to listen to Sundowner on KBC English Service
(lovely moments i knew all the songs). When Capital and Metro hit the scene jamaas
switched fast........ ......... ......... .No doubt.
What about playing that game for pele...you remove the (tumthings from bottle tops and blow
"pa"!) ...rounders. ..and cha mama..
Manze playing SHAKE in the esto-the jamaas against the chicks,
back in the day when we were all too young to feel sweet....
Also those days of playing police and robbers and mkebe (another version of hide and seek,
only using a kimbo or blueband mkebe)
Also gone are the days of playing "tapo, bano", drinking chai ya saa kumi, eating hot lunch in
school, walking to the bus stop and playing mpaka six before entering a full bus, a wall with
broken bottles and a dog called chui...
How about "Tushauriane" and the way it was banned so fast and remember the programme
"Usiniharakishe" which aired for two episodes and then was banned?
I remember way back then, we used to make "safo cars" using kimbo and cowboy tins, steal
coat wire hangars, and cut bata slippers for the wheels and stuff. Then race around the estate
over the weekend during the safari rally. Others would make motis out of wire and blada alone,
and have its own steering wheel. And also, when guys used to play, i cant remember the name,
but someone would draw a road track with many curves and guys would bring bottle tops. One
would place it and hit it with the middle finger 3 times and it had to be in the track or you were
out of the game. The game of was called "bottle tops". We called the game "1 2 3".
Days when blada & kati was the game 4 chics. They also had those funny nursery rhymes
the whole day-"Concentration, concentration now begins….names of…meat
please….for example...cow… be quick!!!"
Remember the days when we used to be all excited kama kwenyu kulipikwa chapo and that
day you would be wishing for the day to end so that you can go and eat the chapos.
Don't forget akina Wild Rose, The Rich Also Cry, The Bold and The Beautiful and No one But you-
MUCH BETTER THAN TODAYS ESMARALDAS!! !.
Who recalls christmas wouldnt be christmas without nguo za chrisi????????
Closing days used to fall on Fridays and in the evening the whole family would be boardning a
bus to shags mpaka holz ziishe-Siku hizi hakuna watu shags
REMEMBER THOSE SODAS THAT CAME IN EVERY COLOR AND FLAVOR IMAGINEABLE ...
SCHWEPPES...
Remember the signature tune for KBC Radio News? The tune for "Sundowner"? The classic
tune for "Late Date"?
Remember those mare kwa mare guys? ( mali kwa mali ) they used to come to the estate and
exchange all your old clothes and shoes for a plastic basin and two glasses...
Who was or what is shokolokobangoshe? ?
Shining outside church as a teenager with the latest clads... (thats me)
Going for debate against other government chuos.....and the most exciting part is your enemy
losing...
Remember milk ya nyayo in primo. Those who scored well in class that day would take home
two pakos of milk or the class teacher carries away all the rest.
Miss those lovely days when boys were boys en girls were girls when NO was taken to be YES
but not when choraing a map of Africa when a jamaa pours his undying fake love.
All in all, we should never forget where we have come from...because i believe it has partly to
do with what we are today. Tumetoka Mbali....
The stages of growth by Esther Neema
Many of us ladies will remember our times of growing up, and those who saw us when we were very little will be surprised at the major transformation, if not evolution. It has been a journey getting this far.
The process began from a time when we never knew ourselves; that is the process where we were dressed in all those large Cinderella dresses and we looked so petite and cute, more like sweet little angels. Then there comes the vampire moment where we begun loosing our teeth one by one leaving us with gaps. This was still during that time when our hair could not hold up, because it was too short and too much, and this would lead to more like a cabbage hairstyle. I am talking about us ladies born in the times when most of our aunties could not go to a wedding without a beehive, and our uncles did not feel they were in style if they did not have a box or a punk. If you have no idea what those hairstyles are, you were probably a nineties baby or maybe in the two thousand, that excludes you from this group, at least you are lucky you never wore Bata prefects.
At some point our teeth started growing and the first tooth to grow would grow so much bigger than the rest resulting to a comic sight. Now you can imagine, having one big tooth standing out in your mouth, a cabbage hairstyle with kinky hair that is refusing to be held up, hmmmmm, what a look! And to crown it up, Bata prefect shoes. For those who don’t know what Bata prefects are, these were little pams for children with a buckle around them, and stockings to complete the look, so of course you know that is the not so pleasant stage?
Many girls right now would talk of human rights when you mention something like hard discipline in other words the not so gentle beating. Well for us hard discipline was not a stranger. When you see who we are now, that is how refined we are, it did not just come like that, it was pumped in to us. We were the same girls who would sit so badly even in public or even chew with our mouths open. To warn us our mother would give us “the look”. There were several looks, each with a meaning, but there was that look that clearly stated, “When we get home, if you do not sit properly or eat well, I promise to give you whooping” this were never empty threats. For the violent mums in the rural, I am told they would throw a stone to someone sitting badly and they would be force to rectify
And so the stages of growing up were through discipline and learning. Our first food, for some of us was a tragedy. Imagine having cooked for the family and you know hey are all kindly eating but enduring your food. hmmmm. Others watched the food they had made go down in to the bin, but we lean and are now experimenting on recipes until you know you are ready to even make commitments
When people look at that person we are now, they wouldn’t know that side of the story, all they see is his prefect being. But truth is, before you became this woman you are there is a story, and through the imperfect moment we got stronger and stronger to become the women we are now.
Now we are around age 21 and 25, and times have changed a lot. No where on the surface of the earth will you see a beehive hairstyle. Some of us have gotten in to family life already and some gone in the path of careers. But at the end of the day we have those common things that bring us together
A story
Another pain..another mistake..another season to bury her head in the sand.is it a disaster or is it a tragedy,or perhaps a crisis.today is another day 2fight a battle never won.to conquer her fears n perhaps rebirth hope.another season of tears even wen she thot she couldnt cry any further.refusing to cry only to find herself breaking down in closed doors.strong yet so weak.the mask is too old,she cnt wear it any longer.shes got to find her inner strength.not just the diva in her bt the gal who learns frm her mistakes.she got to find the little gal who cn really love .she needs to find her darling self the one who genuinely cares.she got to learn to say no,to refuse.she got to learn to say i love you once again.shes got to get love from the source.you c wea she went wrong is creating her own meaning.her own understanding,n perhaps designing her story.by her strength she thot she could,n the she learns its another mistake,another pain,another day to bury her head in the sand.in between ths happy times,alot of them,but indeed shes bn drawing a sad story,a very sad story.however the designer says i wont watch u go down coz i designed you.ur drop of tear i saw,n il tel u,ur beauty isnt a curse.let me redesign u.my story has a hapy ending.unless u let me i cnt.let me hold u,cuddle u.let me breath life in to you.a gift is given but unless she takes it,she cnt receive it.love daent cost so much pain,it brings so much joy.actually its beautiful,it one thng wen u receive,u dnt nd so much,ul still be hapy in a house wit just a stool.
A questuon asked
A little girl asked me this question when we were sitted
What really is love, how does it happen
I looked in to her innocent eyes and for once
I didnt have one answer, because love I learnt
is not a feeling that you feel that you have never felt before
So I told her,gal, when time comes and you have to give love,
give like you never have before
when time comes and you have to cry because of love,
cry but never give up on love
Love, love and love
Its not a promise that you will be loved back in return
you may give and it never comes back
you just have to know love is a risk
In life there are three things you must do
Live, love and laugh
A time will come and it will rain
btu dont stop dancing,
you learn to dance in the rain
You will be dissapointed, yes
But its love when you know the one you love is not perftect
but you love them anyway
In time you will know that the beauty of love is when it is shared
when you make him laugh and he makes you laugh
when you think of him and you know he is thinking of you too
It saks wen you love him and he dont
You will know that you are not in control
when they choose to leave
you will let them go
N no your feeling will not switch off whenever
but when it hurts so bad,
know that time is the healer of wounds
Never give up on love for one day you will fall in love again
Most of all, you must know that in love there are no rules
No formulaes that always work
You learn to wear jackest when it rains and dance
U learn that in love there is no such vocabulary a difference.
So really know your timing girl
when time comes you will find it
Dont love when you are supposed to grow
so that when time to love comes you are
still growing coz you never grew
when it comes you will know it
trust me you wont have to ask,
you will know. you will know.
Refined
Galz like us spelt out the word drama growing up.our relationshps were drama drama,drama.we gave gals wat 2talk abt.they talk abt us we dnt talk abt them.attention was wat we lived 4,all dressd 4evry occassion n wdnt be caught dead repeating a dinner dress,no nonsense we tel a man if he cnt handle all ths,he has to bounce faster thn he came.look at us we all grow up nw.ges who we r nw.these dramatic princesses r yet to be queens nw.bt queens dnt loose it theyr supposd 2 find it.demina in hw we talk n walk,sit,eat.strange thng is we found ourselves doing ths.wen we enter a room,ul hav 2 knw us wen we leave it.y be invisible wen u hv talent,a smile,a voice,they hv to knw ur name.n wish to knw more,ordinary is a crime,ur talent cn mek u dine with kings.with age comes responsibility,nw they dnt hv 2 wonder hw we wld handle a baby wen it cmes,we became motherly,loving beyond words.our pride replaced wit humility,before you let the man go,you ask,how worth is my pride over love,u cld tel hm hw much he means to you,so if he still walks away hes nt worth ur royal time.really ths time its nt abt me,its abt us.i am because we are.so now all the tears we used to shed after drama,becomes funny stories to laugh at.we become stronger n we r nt apologetic abt it.we become queens in a few years time.we learn to cook,nt jst cook,bt really cook.treat our men like kings.we learn to impact on lives n nt just impress.for wat is an impression wen it is erased wen its flooded with the more beautiful ones being born.we learn tht 4real beauty is in the heart.we knw tht wat we went thru,was just to refine us,mould us.our mistakes,could have killed us but they dint for us to tell ths story.imperfect as life can be,we wont stop smiling.we will walk down the aisle not because we will be the most beautiful women in white,bt because,we cant imagine living another day without ths man.we will love our babies.we will not be afraid to give love because we have loved ourselves enough.we faced our fears.we are actualy refined.
Where the story begins
They say that life is journey, and i do not differ
only that this journey is a journey of unclear destination to many but not necessarily all
you see a real journey, when one one is making a journey, they know exactly where they are going
and they use whichever means to get there
In the life journey, you can plan, you can dream, but the destination is not always as planned
sometimes its things you never thought would be, but we all hope for happy endings
I agree, there are those of us who may have had a destination just as planned.
some have been born and their folks have said, shes going to be a doctor, and a doctor she becomes
some have just lived life and watched it unfold without planning it and others have planned for the future only to realize its not always as planned coz you just never know
so the journey begins at conception I guess and i wonder if babies are ever curious about the world outside, coz they really look shocked when they get out
for some of us, i ges we were born on the gangster side of life, as in the hustler side of life
well maybe not exactly but pretty close, maybe not getto but somewhere not too far. so now you know i dint do the whole baby walker vybe,lol, i did the whole, holding a table and standing up the real gangster way.maybe thats where my hustler side comes from. infarct i was told i never crawled, i walked straight away, but those maybe mums exaggerations of how much a super baby i was, everyone says that about their baby
well I must admit I was not bad looking at all when i was a baby, I look at some of my baby photos
and am like heee, i was a hottie,ha ha, gotta give my folks some credit, but again life happens, as i always tell my friends, i woke up one morning and I suddenly was a plus size baby and eating all kinds of things, and i see some of those photos and am like what were they feeding me? I didn't even have a neck. any way that is another story for another day, in other words I woke up one morning and found myself obese, n ur never going to see those photos, just thank God I dont look like that anymore
So of course you look at yourself and you see who you have turned out to be, and you know there is a story. Everyone has a story
When I was younger, i was a fighter
My elder cousin tells me that i used to fight with boys, and am like really, why would i fight such amazing creatures?
not that i have forgotten too much of that, i remember indeed i was a tough cookie
its no wonder i was slapped in class five coz i was a mbenye
But am not that girl anymore, now am all mushy and happy endings kinda of girls and i cant trace the day i changed. Now i think i cant fight to save my life, so really if someones gona fight me theyl be fighting alone, i ges change is inevitable
I cant say am perfect, but i kinda like who i turned out to be, even though sometimes iv been accused of being blond, i highly doubt though coz i was a geek, i cant have changed that much.
you see the life of a fighter would have me no friend right now
and i wouldnt want to imagine a world with no friends.I love y'all too much.
I like me not coz i didnt make million mistakes, but coz i made billions and learnt from each
and each day i take time to observe and learn
I don't know when i learn t to love people
but i give people chances until they prove me evil, then they are good people
I know its not exactly the best of policy to go by
but i believe there is a good person in everyone
and experiences make us, and some have been victims of life and have build a wall around them to protect them or something, i cant quite explain cz people have lived heir lives and they know what it felt like better than i would coz they have lived it, i was just a witness
I guess being born in a christian family had made me not understand the possibilities of mistakes
and so had always looked at life at the angle of good people and bad people, but to God we are all people. And so i try to give people that are considered random a chance and benefit of a doubt that there bad manners is probably a cover up, they are probably the best people if you get to know them
Am kinda not judgmental anymore coz i know pain can drive you nuts.
Iv never really been a person who curses but I remember the first time I said something Like "FUCK YOU" and i did not say the "F word", then i understood, sometimes that is the one way you can express how you feel, maybe your pain medicine.
and so my journey has been mine, coz sometimes i have been lucky
and sometimes like totally unlucky, but mostly I can say that i have been blessed.
Once upon a time I had a pair of shoe, n this is not a saying, its for real, n now i have twenty
Once upon a time i had one dinner dress and used it for all dinners and now I cant even count how many, and so when i hope for greater things i know that I can get just that
its a journey.
and recently I learnt to resist pressure to control life
and so as the story unfolds, as the stage is arranged, i pick my script and live it
and hope its a happy ending.
Living it(Its not over yet)
Yesterday I had a moment; someone asked me, how do you do it.
N I was like do what?
Then she was like live single, it’s so hard, I can’t even imagine it.
So you know the usual action as a Kenyan girl is to go all defensive and say ati oh ati oh, Kenyan men oh. Or it is actually by choice, or something like I love power and control, I am a smart woman so men are intimidated by me and etc. etc. all the stories we give as excuses or explanations .Lol. Some may be true but most aren’t even close
I think about it now without being defensive. The girl I was in the past would have jumped on the next opportunity to get in to one. Force myself to fall in love with a guy who is in to me, and then realize it was a mistake and want to jump out in the next bus coming. Then I sit down and ask myself why am I doing this, is it pressure, am I afraid, is it to meet deadlines that the world has created we have to meet, because it is definitely not love
The funniest part is when I turned 23 is when I experienced the shock of my life. Even my parents were hinting, that it is at this age I should be dating, my friend are hooking me up to guys who are my “type”, and I feel like I am being pressured from all directions, I have found myself in the most awkward dates. Nothing to say at all, so I start laughing and cracking jokes, Lol its so funny, ati you have stayed out for too long, who gives the time anyway? Lol a friend of mine told me I am running out of time? in my head I was thinking where is time going, il just be a day older tomorrow right. Maybe less pretty or more, who knows lets wait and find out?
I can’t know what my heart wants but I know what it doesn’t need.
I don’t want to work too hard to win a love il never get
I do not want to think you are mine when you are not
I don’t live my life waiting to meet him somewhere
I enjoy weddings; I don’t sit there waiting to be spotted. I think Life is to be lived and loved, even alone. There is one person you are sure will be there by you tomorrow and that is you
It’s just that from this angle, when am outside I am able to see things I never saw when I was inside.
N though I was afraid of being here before, I learnt it’s not bad at all. As long as you know that you are complete you wont look for some one to complete you
Iv watched people get desperate, chase guy after guy or lady after lady,because of fear
Iv watxhed people change how they walk to just fit, change how they talk
some people tell you they love you on the 1st day they meet you, and how they can see it in your eyes,
and im like dude you dont even know me
n in my head im thinking what is all that for
Sometimes all you need is to stop chasing
Appreciate the little details in life
you need not panic men, its sometimes a waste of time
Relax, take a cup of hot chocklate and dont wait for it
it may actually never come
but you still have to laugh, live and love
people wait for love to find them, or look for it in places
but ney it comes from within.you will see someone who makes you comforatble
you will see you are not stressed looking for jokes to make him or her happy
he or she is happy because you are just beside them
you will not have to mainpulate moments to spend a minute with them
so what are this games for men, what are the chases for
25 is an age we may all want to be married right.
30 is the age we may all fear reaching before we settle down right
But you cant force your heart to fall in love
you can not force another heart to agree with yours.
Infarct I believe that it shouldnt be a factor of the above, but it should be only because you cannot imagine a life without someone anymore.
i dont think it should be planned, sschemed, arranged.
Im living it, and its not bad at all.
Good Boys vs Bad Boys
Its bn said over n over,women love bad boys over good boys.huh?hv u ever bn invited 4 a date,like say a movie,note he invited u,n then wen ur on the line,he steps back,and says,just pay.or the other 1,he invites u 4 lunch,bt in real sense,ur the 1 cooking on ur 1st date,so ur dished with veges n dishes to wash after.or alternatively u spend time with a guy complaining abt weaves,n ur wearing one,he might even insinuate ur fat.or wea u walk around town for 3hrs coz uv bn waiting 4him at bata hilton,n hs not kind enough 2 tel u hel b late or nt comin.1 whol make it too obvious that he wants 2 quickly take u 2 bed,n nt interested in ur boring life.true,bad boy is on top of his game,he got art,technique n skill,u wnt knw wat hit u,bt 4 hm its a game n its abt a winner,n its most likely goin 2 be hm,hel say watever,even propose coz u want 2 hear it.he got it, confidence n definatly ability 2 mek u laugh,n mek u thnk about hm all nite,by kissing u or sth wild that meks u want hm,n leave u wit urgency,if u dnt date hm nw,hel get another1,as opposed 2 the good guy,who's probably shy or if not,he respects u enuf that he wont be in such a hurry,taking his time 2 knw u..n probably stammering asking u out.the kind whol take u 2 a picnic on the 1st date n nt touch u,the kind whol wait for u 2 get off the bus 2 mek ur day bright.the kind whol write u a note or even a poem to mek u knw hes still thnking abt u.maybe broke bt hel take u 2 uhuru park,just 2 spend time with u,hes broke bt wil buy 1rose,20 shillings,the thot counts.maybe boring,but loves u,n evry1 knws hes wupd,appearing damn,but nt afraid to let hs woman knw he loves her,even if its in littlest thngs like watching u sleep.so really if i choose a gd guy over a bad guy,and reject ur proposal,do u understand.maybe its coz i hate the game.wea u chase afta my heart,whch i enjoy,but again after u win it,n m so in love,il spend the rest of my life chasing after urs.so picky picky ponky,ur out of the game coz adults dnt play games wen they can live life.
Bitch Test(Victorious?)
So am standing infront of him.holding my gun so tight.all dressed in black,a body suit tight enough,no space 4air.red hot anger,am just about to pull the trigger,mission la revencha,the moment i had been waiting for,and am panting as hell waiting to say ths words,waiting to crush you *4.am victorious,i should b celebrating.yet to be crowned the new bitch in the block,but alas,i start to shake.wondering what the hell is happening 2me,why am i crying,am victorious rite?and so i start to shake,afraid am losing the battle.i see ur tears,i thot id be happy but my heart is sad."shoot,it will be over"queen B shouts.and so i hold the gun firmly again,i tel myself,"you cant give up,uv waited so long 4ths day," 'u de go make em beg oh'deputy queen b shouts angrier than i could ever b.i was fighting their war.and so to psyk myself i think of the training i had,the pain,evry1s bad story,and i am ready,just like they all did i pull the trigger.hush,the house is silent.and i hear the sound of victory from the alredy crowned self announced bitches,'your one of us.' i should be celebrating right?am victorious.i have crossed over.n then in the midst of pain he whispers'i love u'n saddenly the anger melted like an iceblock in summer,i start to think of the tenderness of a kiss,the gentleness of love,only a little too late,i killed love.n thou i am victorious,i think i lost my soul wen i chose to become a bitch.''i want myself back,i want to smile wen caused to smile,n i stil want to cry in sorrow".n thats how i failed the bitch test,i lost the battle again
